Healing Through the Holidays: Practical Tips for Grieving Hearts
written BY MEGAN STEVENSONThe holidays are often painted as a time of joy and togetherness, but for those grieving a loss, it can feel profoundly different. Grief doesn’t pause for the holidays, and the contrast between festive cheer and the absence of a loved one can be deeply painful. It’s essential to remember that grief and celebration can coexist—and that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions.
Here are ways to navigate grief during the holiday season with compassion for yourself and your process.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Rather than avoiding grief, allow yourself to lean into the feelings that arise. Grief is a natural response to loss, and feeling it fully is part of the healing process. The holidays, with their emphasis on togetherness and joy, can sometimes magnify feelings of loneliness, sadness, or longing. It’s important to acknowledge these emotions rather than push them aside.
Reflect on ways to make the season feel more manageable for you. What parts of the holiday feel comforting? How can you bring more of those moments into your plans?
Perhaps it’s carving out quiet time for yourself, prioritizing smaller, more intimate gatherings, or finding solace in simple routines like taking a walk or listening to music. By identifying what feels comforting, you create a sense of stability amid the emotional challenges.
Whether you’re feeling sadness, joy, or a mix of both, your emotions are valid. Let them guide you toward what feels right this season.
2. Honor Old Traditions/Create New Traditions
Continuing traditions that your loved one cherished can be a comforting way to feel connected to them. Whether it’s baking their favorite holiday treat or watching a movie they loved, these moments can keep their memory alive.
Introducing new traditions doesn’t erase the old memories—it adds to them. This can be an opportunity to heal while honoring the love you shared. Lighting a candle, sharing a favorite story about your loved one, or creating a small ritual in their memory can be meaningful ways to incorporate their presence into the season.
Incorporate rituals that resonate with you:
Light a candle in their honor.
Share a story or memory with loved ones.
Volunteer for a cause they cared about.
These small acts can create a sense of connection and purpose amidst the pain.
3. Protect Your Energy
Grieving can make even simple social gatherings feel overwhelming. It’s okay to protect yourself by choosing how and to what extent you engage with holiday activities. Protecting your energy might look like saying no to certain events, limiting the time you spend at gatherings, or creating an exit plan if things become too overwhelming.
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Let those around you know what you’re comfortable with, and remind yourself that it’s okay to decline invitations or modify traditions.
What boundaries can you set to make the holidays more manageable?
By honoring your limits, you can navigate the holiday season in a way that feels more sustainable and compassionate to yourself.
4. Release Expectations
The holiday season often comes with the expectation of joy, cheer, and togetherness. But when you’re grieving, these expectations can feel like an impossible weight. Give yourself permission to not be okay. Some moments may feel heavy, and others may bring surprising glimpses of peace or even joy. Both are valid.
The holidays can be particularly hard, but releasing the pressure to "keep it together" can be freeing. It’s okay if you skip the holiday cards, forget to bake cookies, or don’t decorate like you used to. What matters most is giving yourself space to process what you’re feeling.
What would it look like to give yourself permission to not “be okay” this holiday season?
What expectations can you release for yourself?
5. Ask for Help
Grief is heavy, and you don’t have to carry it alone. Whether it’s leaning on friends, joining a support group, or seeking professional counseling, letting others support you is not a sign of weakness—it’s a strength.
Support can come in many forms, and you may find it helpful to think about what kind of help would truly make things feel a bit easier. Maybe it’s practical assistance, like having someone else handle shopping or cooking. Or it might be emotional support, like sharing memories of your loved one with someone who understands.
Remember, it’s okay to admit that you’re struggling. The people who care about you want to help, but they may not always know how unless you tell them. Allowing others to be there for you can make a world of difference as you move through this holiday season.
6. Prioritize What Matters
What matters most to you this holiday season? Focus on what feels most meaningful, whether that’s spending time with loved ones, finding quiet moments of reflection, or simply surviving the season.
Grief during the holidays may mean not wanting to celebrate—or wanting to celebrate. Both are valid. Be kind to yourself, lean into what feels right, and give yourself permission to navigate the season on your terms.
Above all, remember: grief is love in another form. By allowing yourself to feel, honor, and remember, you continue to carry the love you shared with your loved one. “You don’t have to experience grief, but you can only avoid it by avoiding love.
Love and grief are inextricably intertwined.”
