The Impact of an Absent Father: Why Some Women Choose Unavailable Men

What Is It?

First off, what do we mean by an absent father? This could be a dad who was physically absent throughout life, but it can also be emotional absence, where Dad was physically present but emotionally distant or unavailable. Either way, the impact can be significant.

Unfortunately for many of us heterosexual women, one of the key ways this can play out is in our relationships with men. When a girl grows up without a consistent and stable male role model, she may grow into a woman who struggles to understand what a healthy relationship looks like. This often leads to seeking out partners who share these inconsistent and often unhealthy traits. Because at the end of the day, the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t, right?

Why Does This Happen?

But why would someone seek out a partner who is similar to someone who’s caused them pain? Well, sometimes it’s a subconscious attempt to fill the void left by dad’s absence. Even if the relationship with Dad was strained or nonexistent, there's usually still a desire for that connection, validation and love. So, the woman might find herself drawn to men who are emotionally unavailable, distant, or unreliable – because on some level, it feels familiar and it’s what they know love to look and feel like.

Unfortunately, this pattern can become a vicious cycle. The woman ends up in relationships with men who can't meet her emotional needs, which only reinforces the belief that she's not worthy of love or that there isn’t better out there.

What Now?

Breaking free from this cycle requires some serious self-reflection and, often, therapy. It means digging deep into those childhood wounds, understanding how they've shaped your beliefs and behaviors, and then actively working to rewrite those scripts. It's not easy, but it's absolutely possible!

So, if any of this resonates with you, know that you're not alone. And more importantly, know that you deserve more. You deserve love that is consistent, supportive, and fulfilling. And with the right tools and support, you can break free from the patterns of the past and create the healthy, loving relationships you deserve.